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You are here: Home >> Articles >> For Boys

September, 2004

98% of rapists are men.   And we know that both girls and boys are raped, most commonly as young children or teens.  Let's look at some important info which we can use to help stop rape.

Rape is nonconsensual sex.  It doesn't have to involve physical force.  Pressuring someone to have sex, wearing that person down until they finally give in and say "Yes", or having sex while they're drunk or high can also be rape.  Merely a person's size or weight against another person can make them fearful and feel trapped.  The bottom line is, if that person didn't want to have sex (or couldn't consent to sex), it's rape.

It's really important to listen to the person you're with.  If things are unclear or uncertain, stop, ask, and make sure you're both clear about what you want.

Sometimes she's trying to say one thing (verbally or non-verbally), and we think she means something else.  For example, if she's struggling, some might think "Wow, she's really hot. This is turning me on. She really wants it!"  But what if her struggles mean she wants you to stop?  If she says "No" or "Stop", perhaps she's not playing hard to get as some might think.  If you don't want to end up in a bad situation, the best thing to do is to stop and ask her.  By caring for her and respecting her feelings and wishes, you can avoid a lot of problems.

Rape is a specific type of sexual abuse, and abuse is unfair and disrespectful to say the least.  A girl should have the right to her own beliefs, views, opinions, and choices.  She should have the ability to freely express herself, and be respected and treated as a person and an equal.  Would you like it if someone made decisions for you, told you how to dress or act, criticized you, pushed you around, or pressured you into doing things you didn't feel comfortable doing?

Girls aren't sexual objects.  Focusing on their physical sexuality and body parts demeans and disrespects them -- it hurts to be made to feel like less than a person.  Being groped, brushed against, and called names are forms of harassment and abuse.  Would you want to be humiliated, exploited, or ridiculed?  The next time you see someone bothering a girl, speak out against discrimination, harassment, and abuse.

Some boys expect that a girl wants intercourse as much as they do.  They might also think that intercourse is as pleasing to her as it is to them.  Girls have their own unique needs and desires.  Unless you ask her, you may never discover what she might want or like.  Open honest communication can help you build a better relationship, and you might discover lots of new ways to enjoy each other's company.

Some people are only interested in sex, and don't care about another's feelings.  Some think if they pay for a meal and a movie, that they're owed something.  Some think a female's "place" is to do the cooking and cleaning, to raise the kids, and to please the male when he wants it.  Examine your own beliefs and see if they are fair and equal and respectful.

People deserve to be respected.  You deserve to be respected.  And by respecting others and speaking out, you can respect yourself and feel good about yourself for caring and making a difference.

Feel free to express your opinion in the polls and surveys.

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See also:
Myths about women and dating
Are you a victim of dating violence?
Are you an abuser?
A Dozen Things Men Can Do To Stop Men's Violence Against Women
For Men: About Rape
The Mathematics of Battering
Qualities of a healthy relationship

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