Month: December 2019

Here are some suggestions how you can help out and make a difference in stopping rape.

1. Be informed: Be aware that one out of three women are raped in their lifetime.  Check out the statistics; read a few books such as “I Never Called It Rape.”
   
2. Speak out: Bring the problem out into the open.  Talk with your friends and peers.  Confront inappropriate behavior.  Many victims don’t tell anyone they’ve been raped, perhaps because of  “overreactions” or being “blamed”.  Help them break the silence about what was done to them, by providing the warmth, trust, belief, support, and understanding they need, so they’ll feel comfortable disclosing the abuse to you.
   
3. Educate: Make sure youth understand about rape.  Talk with them about abuse.  Make sure they understand about safety, respect, and qualities of a healthy relationship.  Discuss the myths about rape.  Encourage them to talk about limits beforehand.
   
4. Volunteer: Your local rape crisis center is dependent on concerned individuals like you.  There are many ways to help out, besides counseling.
   
5. Join: Many organizations, such as the AAUW, work to promote equity.  Issues like gender discrimination significantly contribute to problems of rape.  A good book on this topic is “Schoolgirls: Young Women, Self-Esteem, and the Confidence Gap.”
   
   
6. Provide opportunities: Many crisis centers and colleges have outreach and peer groups that go out and educate about rape, abuse, and dating violence.  Help these groups get the message out, by arranging opportunities for them.
   
   
7. Contribute material: Make a difference at this site, by providing names and phone numbers of rape crisis centers in your area; sending us handouts you would like to make available to others;  suggesting links to other useful web sites; recommending books others might find helpful. 
   
   
8. Link: Add a link to this site from your web site.  Help to increase awareness of the problem, and to make the resources and information offered here as widely available as possible.

By joining in to make a difference, you’re helping yourself to be better prepared to help a daughter or son, spouse or partner, sister or brother, close friend, or acquaintance who may be a victim of these cruel acts of violence.

Thank you for caring and choosing to make a difference!… Read the rest

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We have developed a training for parents and other concerned adults to both inform and help minimize the risks that youth face on the Internet.

Topics covered include potential dangers, risk factors, warning signs, and options for increasing safety.  Included is a handout with a list of resources/links for further information and assistance.

Since you probably can’t attend to hear us give this training in person, we’ve incorporated most of our presentation within the speakers notes of the PowerPointŪ presentation.  To view the notes, you must open the presentation using PowerPoint.  Other organizations are welcome to use or modify this training to meet their own requirements.  We would appreciate if you would credit Rape101.com.

To view the slideshow or handout, click on the appropriate link.  To save the files to your hard disk, right-click on each link.
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Meeting someone you’ve met on the net has significant risks.  Even when you think they love you, you may find you have regrets, because what it’s really been about for them is sex, not love. Others have been more abruptly raped just by meeting someone in a public place.  Some have been drugged and end up in a porn film.  Boys have been lured by the pretense of meeting a girl, only to find themselves raped by a group of men.

If you don’t think it can happen to you, you need to listen to the stories of other teens who felt and thought like you.  Katie Tarbox writes about her experience in Katie.com.

For tips on keeping yourself safe in chat rooms, please read IRC and Internet Safety.… Read the rest

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Here are some things you can do to help a friend:

	Believe her.
	Be a good listener.
	Be supportive.  Other people may doubt or blame her.  She really needs a friend.
	Let the decision about who she talks about it with, be up to her.
	If you’re not sure how to best help your friend, get some advice from a rape counselor.
	Read a book on surviving rape.
	You’re probably going to be the first to be told about the rape.  Be there for her.  Listen.  Support her decisions.  Just be there for her.

… Read the rest

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Be a good friend and listener

	Be a friend first, actively listening to her, and being supportive.
	Resist the urge to offer unsolicited “solutions.”

Leave choices up to her

	Let her regain control, as to if and when she wants to talk about things.
	Let her decide when she’s ready to be intimate, affectionate, or physical.
	Don’t rush anything, or pressure her.

Be understanding about intimacy

	She may question her attractiveness and feel like less of a woman.
	She may not be open to being touched or hugged.
	Even the innocence of your own weight against her can trigger flashbacks of the horror she went through.

Be aware of what she has to deal with

	She may experience nightmares and bad dreams.
	She may blame herself.

Get support for yourself

	You may find you need to talk with a rape counselor also.
	Be careful about resentment and withdrawing from her.
	If you’re bothered by someone else having been with your spouse/partner, then you definitely need to get that “perception” straightened out.
	Deal with any guilt you might feel about what happened.
	Channel any anger you may feel out of you in a non-destructive manner.

Be patient

	Healing takes a long time.  Her memories of the trauma will always be with her.
	Don’t keep your feelings inside.  She needs you to be close to her, not distant.  No matter how apart you may feel from her, she has needs for security, for safety, for stability, and normalcy.

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Don’t blame her

	Rape is never the victim’s fault.  Don’t blame or criticize or find fault with her.  Most daughters do not disclose the rape to their parents, for fear of their reaction.  Be thankful if you know, and strive to provide a positive, loving, supportive environment.
	“I told you so” is never appropriate.  Put your daughter’s feelings above your need to be right.

Believe her

Believe her.  Lots of people won’t believe her, for various “reasons.”  Let her see and know that you believe her.

Be supportive

	Be supportive, listening to her, letting her talk when she chooses.
	There are a lot of things going through her mind, and it will take time for her to sort things out.
	She needs a friend who can be there for her.  Be her friend first, and her parent second.
	Hold her when she wants to be held.
	What happened to her wasn’t her fault.  It will take time for her to believe and understand that.  Give her a supportive environment and believe that too.
	Take the opportunity to stop and smell the roses.  Take walks with her without saying a word.

Let her make choices

	Don’t force anything on her.  Someone took control away from her; she needs the right to make her own decisions again.
	Give her the time she needs; don’t pressure her to return to what you consider is normal.
	It’s not your place to disclose the rape.
	Your desire for justice may not match her desire.  Don’t fight with her over what should be done.
	If you want to press charges, make sure you figured out what your motivation is.

Seek professional advice

Talk with a rape counselor as much as you need, to be best prepared and able to support your daughter through her recovery.

… Read the rest

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